Handicaps
by Opera Darling
Summary: Without Elphaba around to solve her problems and look after her, Nessarose has to deal with herself and the things she has done.


It was all Nessarose Thropp could do to keep herself from smashing the full-length mirror in front of her until it appeared to be nothing more than the sand from which the glass was made. The room she found herself in... indeed, the only room she had inhabited since the passing of her father... was barely lit by three tall, green candles resting in a candelabrum on top of a plain, wooden table a few feet away; however, it seemed as if the very sun with all its power shined in this very spot before the mirror, allowing her the ability to see every detail of her being. A vision of a cold, intelligent young woman stared back at her. Dark hair pulled in to a tight bun, pale skin shining against dark eyes and lips, a black dress that covered her legs... her useless legs... and those jeweled slippers. The only things that signaled any sort of life at all within the girl were those glittering shoes that her father had given to her as a present on her first day at Shiz University.

But that smooth reflective surface seemed to reflect not only Nessa's physical image, and the handicap that held her captive to her wheelchair, but also her dark soul... and all disabilities she had of the emotional and mental kind. The things that made her hate herself more than any lameness in the legs ever could.

The most obvious sign of her physical handicap? The wheelchair. Her prison... the hideous chair with wheels... that held her body captive. The object of her deepest loathing, the thing that immediately signaled to all that saw her that she was in some way impaired... how she longed to destroy it. To set it ablaze, even if she was still seated on its plush, red cushion as it was devoured by the flames. Then her suffering would be over. Her twisted, mangled legs would not be a hindrance to her any longer if she were dead. How she yearned for such a release!

But no... that would mean leaving Boq, her one true love, the only thing she lived for anymore... and that was the one thing she could not bring herself to do. All of the new laws that she had instated were because of him, to keep him from running off in search of Glinda. Glinda the Good, the very woman who was responsible for Nessa and Boq even knowing each other, let alone Nessa's deep affection for him... she was also the woman that kept that love from being reciprocated. All beautiful, bouncing blonde curls and sparkling, stunning smiles, how could the youngest Thropp sister blame Boq for his love of the Good Witch of the North?

How could she? Easily... Glinda had not even bothered engaging Boq in anything more than a brief chat in her entire life! She had shown no true signs of being in love with the foolish munchkin lad, yet the radiant blonde was quick to flash one of her charming smiles in his direction whenever they had been in the same room together. The Good Witch of the North was always providing a giddy, encouraging giggle to all of the pathetic professions of love Boq made to her, encouraging his irrational devotion to the thought that there was a future between the two without saying the smallest of words. It would have been so easy for Glinda to dismiss him with a wave of her hand or with a few words on how there was no possible path that would lead to a happy ending for the two as a pair. It would have left Boq heartbroken, but Nessa would have been right there to catch him when he fell... that beautiful boy that she had lost her heart to those few years ago at Shiz University.

But... but hate Glinda? No, that made no sense when the governor stopped to think about it. She was the very person she owed her life to for showing Boq the way in to Nessa's life! How could she hate such an angel, such a creature that would take pity on a tragically beautiful girl in a wheelchair and send a thoughtful, caring munchkin to her rescue... to provide her with a companion that, as far as she ever knew, was not there merely because he was obligated to be, but because he truly did care, somewhere in the depths of his heart.

His heart... Boq's heart... maybe that was the thing to blame for all of her pain! It was that blasted organ, with all of its fanciful longings for an unreciprocated love, that was the cause for all of Nessa's pain! If it wasn't for tha-...

She stopped herself. Her breathing had gotten heavy, her pupils had narrowed... she was making herself angry at two people she loved more than her own life, though it was debatable how much she actually loved the latter. Still, Nessa knew that her love for Glinda and Boq was real, even if that dark part of her mind and heart tried to convince her of anything to the contrary.

That was her mental handicap, though, wasn't it? No matter how hard she tried to love people, to pull them toward her, something in her mind always ended up pushing them away. Whether it was through the extreme tyranny she had exercised in passing laws that restricted the munchkins' ability to travel so that Boq was obligated by law to remain with her... or through the short, hostile conversations she had with Glinda when the two were forced to talk about situations of a political matter as it pertained to the Emerald City and Munchkinland... Nessa always found a way to push those she loved most away.

... and Elphaba. Almighty Oz only knew how Nessa had treated her sister, the only person who truly, truly cared about her, the one person who had always taken care of her, no matter how wicked she had been to the older of the two sisters. Elphaba had loved her and cared for her, come rain or shine, with a love that exists only between siblings as close as the Thropp sisters were. She had never meant to abandon her sister as she had now, when Elphaba took a stand against the Wizard, shaming her entire family in the land of Oz... but the green-skinned girl had been left with no choice when she realized how deceptive and cruel the "Wonderful" Wizard of Oz had been. His treatment of Animals... all of his lies... Elphaba loved her sister, but the rights of a large portion of Oz's citizens and the absolute truth came before Nessa did. For one time in her life, Nessa wasn't the center of her sister's life.

It crushed her.

It wasn't just that, though. All of that power Elphaba had... Nessa had heard stories of the things she had done for Animals and people in the badlands. These people that she had never known and would never truly get to know, and yet she had ignored her sister... her sister, who could not walk... who could not keep herself from destroying every relationship she had tried to build.

Elphaba Thropp... Wicked Witch of the West... Nessa's sister... she had abandoned Nessa to her own miserable prison. Whether that prison was her chair or her own dark, twisted mind was up for debate, but all the same, she had been left to herself. She had been left to deal with her own messes, her own relationships... and she was failing miserably. This was all Elphaba's fault. If she had only listened when Nessa told her...

No. There it was again, that hate within her. This was no one's fault but Nessa's, and as she looked in the mirror... at the girl that was staring back at her, she realized that where she was in life... it was her own doing. Hers. Nessarose Thropp.

Wicked Witch of the East.

**Author's Note**: Hey guys! I hope you liked the story... I've been out of the fan-fiction world for some time now and I would really appreciate any feedback you could give... constructive criticism, flames, whatever suits your fancy! Thanks:-)


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